Mother’s Day is quite meaningful all on it’s own, but when you are the mother of 5 daughters, the grandmother to 3, and 1 more on the way (grandbaby, no more kids for me thank you!), it takes the meaning to a whole new level. Throw in the mix work, a first prom and a birthday, and you have a superstorm of activity.
Yesterday my day started at 5a getting up and ready for my shift as a police dispatcher. I got off at 3p knowing I needed to rush home to change out of uniform and into regular clothes to rush my daughter Karyn to her date’s house for pictures for her first prom, then rush home to start dinner for my daughter Kiona’s birthday. Of course, nothing can ever go smoothly. As I got ready to leave work I could not find my keys. In the office I pawed through the contents of my purse, no keys. I recalled when I got to work in the morning my hands were full, it was possible I left my keys in the car. Walked out to my vehicle, peered in through the windows, no keys. Back inside it is now 3:15p and I am beginning to feel stressed. I dump out the contents of my purse on the file cabinet and I hear the jingle of my keys, but I do not see them. Reaching in I realize there is a tear in the lining of my purse that has swallowed my keys, REALLY?!
Keys in hand, purse all askew, I rush to my car, jump in, text Karyn that I am on my way. Get home, rush up the stairs to change clothes and use the bathroom. While I am in the bathroom Karyn starts telling me to rush. Geez…can’t a girl even pee around here? Guess not.
We make it to her date’s home 30 minutes behind schedule. Story of my life, always behind schedule. As I stood on the lawn of her date’s home for pictures I felt sadden that while both her date’s parents were present, it was only her mom who was there for her. Sigh. My new normal, gotta get use to it still.
No time to chat or enjoy my daughter’s beauty…gotta rush home to tend to dinner and start the birthday festivities. The joys of a large family, and I mean that sincerely…I love having a large family. As I drive home I struggled with the thought of whether I should text my ex-husband, their father, to remind him of the birthday like I did when we were married. I had continued to do that since our divorce, but decided earlier this year that it was not my job anymore to act as his secretary and remind him of important dates in our daughters’ lives. But as the day wore on and he failed to wish our daughter happy birthday I began to feel horrible. I know she felt forgotten by him, because he had wished her sisters happy birthday in January and in March (I had reminded him), but I hoped that he would prove me wrong and had not forgotten.
Since my divorce, this is when I feel the most sadness, when I see what my ex is missing out on in our daughters’ lives. I struggle with the idea of just letting him fall on his face in their eyes by failing to wish them happy birthday, happy graduation and even just letting weeks go by without speaking to them. Or should I protect my girls from that pain by constantly reminding him to reach out to them and fill him in on the important events coming up.
I love being a mother. My daughters are my greatest accomplishments. I feel very successful at being a mother. Since my divorce I have made mistakes as a mother, but they are behind me. Today I am reminded of my strength as a woman, having given birth to 5 beautiful, unique young women who are smart, funny, and caring individuals. They have proven to be my saving graces.
I would like to hear your opinion, do I keep reminding him of important dates and events, or no? Leave a comment below.