I don’t like this part

I hate the anxiety of waiting to hear back from an important interview. I know I should keep myself busy so I won’t think about it, but there is always that moment of down time when the anxiety creeps back into my mind.

I have been working out ever day. And I plan to keep that up even if I don’t get the police officer position because it is good for my body and that way if the opportunity presents itself again, I will be in much better physical condition to compete for the job.

I have been reading a book by a very inspiring life coach, Cledra and she talks about letting go of trying to control something that is out of my control.  So I have been practicing letting go of the outcome.  It’s not anything at all I can control, no matter how much I worry about it.  I keep trying to be nice to myself and focus on why it could happen, and not why it might not, but that is a huge task too.

It’s been a week since the interviews were held.  We were told at the interview the decision would be made within a week.  There were 4 applicants.  We are all coworkers, all CSOs (Community Service Officers) and we have been openly communicative with each other about the whole process.  So I know they are just as anxious as I am.

Thank goodness today I have a lot to keep me busy, but the moment I stop keeping busy, even for a second, all the anxiety and negative talk runs through my brain.  It’s ironic how much work it takes to stop that sort of thing rather than no work at all to just let it play its soundtrack in my mind, but it kills my hope.  I don’t want hope to die, because then despair sets in.  Not good at all.

I hope I hear soon.

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